Session 2: Recognition of My Hurts

Last Friday, I went to see Dr Chan right after my lunch with Clara, Yan and Asta. He asked me how I had felt in the past few days. Well, the feelings are awkward. I can feel my eyes are enlarged outside but very tired inside. Sometimes, I feel scared and my head is stuck and can hardly think.

When he asked about how I feel about mom, I felt like I was about to cry. Tears almost fell down! He said that now that I am an adult, I can be free from her influence. I can fly high and pursue my own life. But the only thing is that I have to recognise all the hurts caused by mom. It's vague. I just don't know how. He said that it's unhealthy to be stuck in the middle of anger, guilt and forgiveness. I can forgive her but it doesn't mean that she hasn't done anything wrong to me. I have to admit that she DOES hurt me. I just feel very tired when thinking about all these past horrible scenes. Dear Lord, can YOU help me find a way out? He spent quite a long time talking with me and told me to come back with answers next time...he said I need to find a fulcrum to help me vent my feelings. (Either honey or him!!!)

When I came out, I saw a long queue waiting! I did feel better after talking to him because I don't have to pretend to be strong anymore. I can just be myself inside the room.