I've learned that God would like me to keep quiet...QT, it's quiet time. He doesn't want me to nag about the misery caused by my parents...He wants me to be still, keep quiet and wait. After all, He's the one in charge. He is the sovereign...
Chung Ma taught me to pray for enough grace for one day every day and be grateful for 3 things at the end of the day.
1. Thank You, everything went smooth today & I wish my mom could remember the love and care we deliver to her today inside church.
2. Thank Mrs Chuk & Shirley for the prayer for our family & the happy moments we had in the restaurant.
3. Thank God that mom repeatedly says she wants to learn how to get closer to YOU. Yeah, Mrs Chuk's right, no matter what, mom is the one who should be responsible for what she has said to God. Let go, Sally. God is anxious about her comeback, too.
I've hard feelings when mom bragged about her greatest love in the whole universe particularly on me, it reminds me of the scars I had/have bloodily cut by her throughout all these years. No self-pity, Sally. (可憐而不自憐，受寵者而不是受害者。) Keep quiet. God understands you. He know how broken-hearted I am...He knows for He is my heavenly Father who loves me dearly...
QT...God is in charge and He loves you and your family...
mom: Happy Mother's Day!
2010年5月5日 星期三
mom & dad...when can your suffereing stop?
Dad called this morning to ask us to help him to beg for mom not to divorce him...I've thousands of questions marks????? When can all these nonsense stop? Are you the victim? Is mom the victim or she victimizing others but pretends to be the victim? Enough!!! How can parents not love their children but endlessly let us suffer because of you two's turbulent relationship? How, why?????
Yeah, I felt very angry and helpless. Things like falling apart easily. But I have to stop all these useless emotions because I AM an adult. I have the energy, strength and wisdom to deal with all these. I have to accept that mom has dellusional disorder and dad co-dependence symthoms. Dad is probably using passive aggressive behaviors to revenge mom's endless mental, psychological, verbal and physical abuse. Are these true? What is the truth? God, please tell me.
I'm feeling lonely as all the people around us are sick of listening to our family problems. No one dares to help! We've become monsters somehow that would frighten people away. The only thing we can do is to act out as if everything's fine, People would only come to you to make sure that you're fine and they'll be fine too. But if you're not fine, sorry, can't help! Wait until you're fine and they'll be with you, always!!!
Okay, I know, I have to pray and wait for your mercy because it is You who have the autonomy to heal. You are the sovereign, we don't. I pray for love, I pray for something good that you should be happy about. I pray that my mom and dad can actively courageously face their own problems and take the initiative to heal themselves like going to the psychiatrists and counsellors. I pray that mom and dad can learn how to love from YOUR love. I pray that You can save all the souls of my family. I pray for good. When can You answer my prayers? I pray that I won't lose hope, ever! I pray that I can stand firm and will not be knocked down by the tricks of devils. I pray that the Holy Spirit can pray for me when I'm weak. Yes, I won't fall into the tricks of devil--I would never ever leave You. I would never ever abandon love in relationship. I pray that though I would cry because of the pain by witnessing the endless absurd sufferings between mom and dad and my family, I would still hold my head up high because I have good intention and firm belief from day alpha and day omega. All of us would get healed. All of us, the whole family of mine. I want love to exist. I want real love to exist. God, I'm your beloved daughter and you should listen to my prayers and do something good to me. I'm not selfishly seeking things for my own good. Lord, I pray for Your mercy because You are love. You are my deliverance. You are my Lord Father. You are my healer. Emmanuel. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.
I would become stronger in Your love.
Yeah, I felt very angry and helpless. Things like falling apart easily. But I have to stop all these useless emotions because I AM an adult. I have the energy, strength and wisdom to deal with all these. I have to accept that mom has dellusional disorder and dad co-dependence symthoms. Dad is probably using passive aggressive behaviors to revenge mom's endless mental, psychological, verbal and physical abuse. Are these true? What is the truth? God, please tell me.
I'm feeling lonely as all the people around us are sick of listening to our family problems. No one dares to help! We've become monsters somehow that would frighten people away. The only thing we can do is to act out as if everything's fine, People would only come to you to make sure that you're fine and they'll be fine too. But if you're not fine, sorry, can't help! Wait until you're fine and they'll be with you, always!!!
Okay, I know, I have to pray and wait for your mercy because it is You who have the autonomy to heal. You are the sovereign, we don't. I pray for love, I pray for something good that you should be happy about. I pray that my mom and dad can actively courageously face their own problems and take the initiative to heal themselves like going to the psychiatrists and counsellors. I pray that mom and dad can learn how to love from YOUR love. I pray that You can save all the souls of my family. I pray for good. When can You answer my prayers? I pray that I won't lose hope, ever! I pray that I can stand firm and will not be knocked down by the tricks of devils. I pray that the Holy Spirit can pray for me when I'm weak. Yes, I won't fall into the tricks of devil--I would never ever leave You. I would never ever abandon love in relationship. I pray that though I would cry because of the pain by witnessing the endless absurd sufferings between mom and dad and my family, I would still hold my head up high because I have good intention and firm belief from day alpha and day omega. All of us would get healed. All of us, the whole family of mine. I want love to exist. I want real love to exist. God, I'm your beloved daughter and you should listen to my prayers and do something good to me. I'm not selfishly seeking things for my own good. Lord, I pray for Your mercy because You are love. You are my deliverance. You are my Lord Father. You are my healer. Emmanuel. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.
I would become stronger in Your love.
2010年5月1日 星期六
Mom's back
Yeah, mom's back from the US. She flew to the U.S. due to an emotional explosion towards dad and then after about 2 weeks' time, she's back. The bomb is now here in HK. She does bring us fear and insecurity. When she's at my sister's place, my sister was terrified and yet angry. My mom always blames, yells, criticizes, cries,...all those negetive emotions kill people around. She is like a demon! And here in HK, she abuses dad again and again both psychologically and physically. She does the same thing to her chlidren, us, except the physical one!!! I'm sick of all these. When will all these stop? Who's going to help? Our doctor said she has dellusional disorder. Mom thinks the whole world owes her and it is all of us' responsibility to make her happy. It's all our fault to make her become like this, She gambles, abuses family members, gambles, abuses family members because she is lonely. She thinks no one cares about her feelings. It's just a never-ending cycle. I want to escape from this deadly cycle. I want to save all of our family members. Dr. Chan's right. Dad is not the victim, He is the head of the family and he should be the one to take the lead and fix everything, but he is a coward! He makes us suffer together with him I've tried my best to help them; seeking help from family counsellors, social workers, church friends, psychiatrist...but everything I've done is futile. The fact is we need to seek healing instead because all of us are depressed and anxious to a certain extent due to this long time torture.
I'm weak at this moment, so weak! Who's going to help? Who's going to help? Who's going to help??? We've suffered ENOUGH!!!
I'm weak at this moment, so weak! Who's going to help? Who's going to help? Who's going to help??? We've suffered ENOUGH!!!
2010年4月21日 星期三
Seek Ye First
When Maria discovered that Jesus's body had gone, she immediately went to seek help from someone, but in the end, her action was futile because God had already resurrected although she didn't recognise Him. Those men offered no help at all once they saw no trace of Lord's body, they just went away. What does this tell? Yeah, You should always seek Him first instead of looking for help crazily from people who don't really care around us. Be still, God is here!
2009年11月15日 星期日
My favourite soup is
Borsch (or Borscht). Where to buy the best Borsch? The answer must be Tin Ma Fastfood天馬快餐 in Oi Man Estate, Kowloon., Hong Kong
Website for WORLD'S BEST BORSCH: http://www.ukraineorphans.net/id33.html
Website for WORLD'S BEST BORSCH: http://www.ukraineorphans.net/id33.html
Anyone can paint
I want to learn something that I can enjoy and be benefited throughout my whole life...and I hope painiting can be it!
Just read an article entitled 'Anyone can be Rembrandt', I strongly agree with what Damien Hirst said, "It's about freedom and guts. It's about looking. It can be learned. That's the great thing about art. Anybody can do it if you just believe. With practice, you can make great paintings." It's encouraging to a fresh learner like me!
article source:http://www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/2009/nov/14/damien-hirst-interview
Just read an article entitled 'Anyone can be Rembrandt', I strongly agree with what Damien Hirst said, "It's about freedom and guts. It's about looking. It can be learned. That's the great thing about art. Anybody can do it if you just believe. With practice, you can make great paintings." It's encouraging to a fresh learner like me!
article source:http://www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/2009/nov/14/damien-hirst-interview
Work hard but smart!
I'm very happy...I need to work efficiently so that I can finish all my assignment this month!
2009年11月14日 星期六
nice happy gathering
I'm glad today because I could see my old friends again. Asta, Clara, Alison, Mrs Wong, Pui Yu, Yan Yan, Man...We had a small group gathering at Clara's home. We sang songs and priased the Lord. We also read the Bible and prayed. It's been such a long time that I haven't prayed with so many old friends. Thank God for the reunion we had today. We read Psalm 39 and Rome 3...God is our hope...What we've shared are inspirational. The difference between 本份&過份, God will lead us to know HIM, of course including our family...
2009年10月29日 星期四
my recent life
Besides taking my MA course, I'm learning Putonghua with honey every Saturady night. Actually, he works harder than me and I can see that he really takes it quite serious. He practises all the time and would log on to the Internet for useful PTH websites for further practice. I guess he has very positive influence on me in learning PTH.
I think oil painting is really new to me. Anyway, I would spend more time and learn to enjoy it.
Ping pong has always been my favourite. Mr Wong is actually a very nice, experienced teacher. However, I would miss the ball whenever he praises me!
I think oil painting is really new to me. Anyway, I would spend more time and learn to enjoy it.
Ping pong has always been my favourite. Mr Wong is actually a very nice, experienced teacher. However, I would miss the ball whenever he praises me!
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